Dream On
by k2912p
Summary: Meredith has been having the same dream every night, but she's unable to see the face of her dream man. When she finally finds out who it is, will she be able to make her dream a reality?
1. chapter 1

She sat on a gurney, alone, in the tunnels. Suddenly, she heard his voice.

"Meredith, I want you. Right here, right now." It was sultry and seductive, but so warm and familiar. Welcome, it was definitely welcome.

She looked up at him, but a bright light stopped her from seeing his face clearly. Smiling, she leaned in and said ,"Well it's about damn time! You have no idea how long I've wanted this."

"Not nearly as long as I've wanted you." He leaned in to kiss her. He pressed his velvety lips to hers. She opened her mouth a little, biting his lower lip, and he deepened the kiss. His fingers intertwined with her hair as the kissing intensified. As they came up for air, she moaned, and threw her head back. He instantly went to work nibbling on her ear, then kissing her neck. He was working his way lower, ever lower….

Meredith woke up with a start. She groaned and threw her head back on the pillow, covering her face with her hands. She stayed like that for a moment. "Damn it!" She grabbed her phone from the night stand. It was three a.m., which meant it was noon in Zurich. She dialed.

"So, who's the mystery kisser?" Cristina greeted her.

Meredith groaned. "I still don't know! This is the third night in a row! I need sleep, Cristina!"

"I don't think it's sleep that you need!"

"Very funny!"

"Seriously, Mer, how long has it been?"

"Okay, you have a point. Why does this dream bother me so much? I mean, it's just a dream. A hot, hot dream…" her voice trailed off.

"Yeah, see sleep isn't going to help that. We have to figure out who the mystery kisser is!"

"Any ideas? I'm open to suggestion."

"Well, is there someone you're attracted to, someone you've been thinking about?"

"That's the thing. There's really not! But in the dream, I know the voice. I know who it is, but every time I try to see him, his face is blocked."

"So, you think it's someone you know?"

"A part of me does. I just wish there was a way to find out who it is!"

"That's easy. Just have every guy you know say I want you Meredith. Right here, right now!" Cristina did her best seductive voice, making herself laugh in the process.

"Oh yeah sure. I can see it now! Now do you think I should call a meeting, or approach them individually?"

"It sounds like what you're looking for is more of a one on one situation."

"Ugh. I've got to get this dream to stop! Help me!"

"Okay, let's look at what we know. You're alone, and in the tunnels. You hear a familiar voice. Oh no, Mer. Do you have a brain tumor? Please tell me it's not Derek and you're going to have ghost sex like Izzie!"

"Will you stop! It's not Derek, it's not ghost sex and it's not a tumor!"

"Okay, sheesh! Just trying to help!"

"Sorry. I just need to figure this out before it makes me crazy!"

"Mer, gotta run. I have a meeting starting. Sweet dreams!"

"Bite me!" Meredith chuckled, and disconnected.

She put her phone away and fell back against her pillow. "Who are you?" She moaned.

"I want you, Meredith. Right here, right now!"

She looked up into the bright light. "I want to see you," she said.

"You do see me." His lips met hers, and she found herself melting into him, once more granting him access to her mouth. He once again moved away from her mouth to her neck. Once more she moaned as he worked his way south…

"No! I want to see you!"

He stopped kissing her. "You do see me, Meredith."

"Damn it!" She was once again jolted awake.

There was a soft knock on the door, then it opened slowly. "Mer, you okay?" Maggie asked.

"No," she groaned.

Maggie entered the room, and came over to her bed, climbing in the other side.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Meredith asked.

"No, I was just coming up, and I heard you. What's going on?" she looked at her sister, worried.

Meredith looked straight up at the ceiling. "I had…a dream."

"Okay, was it a bad dream?"

"Not particularly."

"What kind of dream did you have?"

Meredith turned her head to look at Maggie, one eyebrow raised.

Maggie's eyes widened in understanding. "Oh! That kind of dream!"

"That kind of dream," Meredith repeated.

"And this is a bad thing?"

"Oh, the dream itself is very, very good. I've had it every night for the past three nights."

Maggie was confused. "Then what's the problem?"

"The problem is that I recognize the voice. I _know_ that I know that voice. But every time I try to see his face, I can't!"

"Well, do you have any clue as to who it is?"

"I just had the dream again. And I said I want to see you. And he said that I do see him."

"But you don't."

"But I don't." she repeated, clearly frustrated.

"I had a problem years ago with a dream I couldn't remember. One thing I remember reading is to ask what you want from your dream before you go to sleep. Why don't you try it, and see if It works?"

Meredith smiled at Maggie. Sometimes it was nice having a sister to talk to. "Thanks, Maggie."

"Any time. Night, Mer."

"Good night."


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

The next morning, Meredith and Maggie were in the car when Amelia got in the back seat.

"Do you think we can try being on time one day?" snapped Meredith from the driver's seat.

"Sorry!" said Amelia.

"She's in a mood," explained Maggie.

"What kind of mood?"

"She's been having this dream," Maggie began.

"I'm not in a mood! And don't talk like I'm not sitting right here!" Meredith snapped.

Ignoring her, Amelia asked, "What kind of dream?"

Maggie turned in her seat to answer Amelia with just a look.

"Oh! Really! A sex dream! Meredith is having sex dreams? Who are they about?"

Annoyed, Meredith answered her. "I'm not having sex dreams!" She sighed, and relented. "They're more like _pre_ sex dreams."

"It didn't work?" asked Maggie.

"What didn't work?" Amelia wanted to know.

"No, and I had the dream three more times last night."

"What didn't work?" Amelia repeated.

Meredith sighed, then filled Amelia in on the dream and the inability to learn the identity of her mystery man.

"Maybe you're not meant to know who it is."

Meredith looked in the rear view mirror at her sister in law. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe it just means that you need a good fling. It has been a while since you were flung! Maybe the dream is just telling you to let your lady live a little!"

Despite herself, she felt the heat rise in her cheeks as a small smile escaped her. "As charming as that sounds, I just have this…feeling."

"What kind of feeling, Mer?" Maggie asked.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. She wasn't comfortable talking about her feelings, and that never seemed to get easier with her sisters. Oddly enough, the only person she felt comfortable talking to about her feelings was her person, Alex.

"I can't explain it, really. But it's just this feeling that this dream is trying to tell me something. Like I'm missing something." She saw them exchange glances. "I know how it sounds, but I also know I'm right."

They rode the rest of the way to the hospital in silence. Meredith pulled into her parking space as Maggie and Amelia gathered their things and got out of the car. As she reached in to grab the last of her things, Maggie saw Meredith still sitting, staring straight ahead.

"Mer?" she said, gently.

Meredith sat for a minute, unable to will herself to move. She needed to shake this feeling. Something was off and she knew it. She hadn't revealed the entirety of her feeling to her sisters, partly because she knew they would just worry which would make Maggie hover and Amelia talk too much, but also because she was afraid to verbalize it. She felt like her whole world was about to implode.

She looked at Maggie, who already had concern plastered on her face. She gave her a forced smile. "I'm fine. Let's go."


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

A few hours later, Meredith was operating with Jo on a tumor resection. The feeling was just as present, and she was doing whatever she could to push it down.

"Wilson have you started studying for your boards?" she asked.

"Are you kidding? I've already been studying for weeks. This is so stressful! Was it like that when you were studying for yours?"

Meredith laughed at the memory. "Oh yeah! I mean, I had it a little easier than the others, I guess. Callie, Dr. Torres, decided to mentor me, and she had this system. We all were studying any chance we got. But we all had so much stuff going on, too. I had Zola, Cristina's marriage was failing , and I'm sure you heard about Alex."

"No, he never said anything. What happened to Alex?"

"He was on this peds case. It was really rough. Twenty four week preemie. The mother was an intern, Morgan. He was just trying to work on his bedside manner, which wasn't always as great as it is now!" she laughs at the memory. "He was on that case practically around the clock."

Jo was hanging on her every word. Alex didn't like to talk about himself very much, and she liked to hear stories about who he was before she had met him.

"Unfortunately, the baby, Tommy, his father couldn't handle it and left. Morgan leaned on Alex pretty hard, and Alex being Alex was there for her. She started to fall for him. He didn't see it until Callie pointed it out to him. He had to pull himself from the case, but it wasn't easy. She hated Alex, which was okay because it made her stronger for her baby. He decompensated, and it was clear he was going to die. Of course, it happened the same day we had to take our boards, and he actually missed the first part because he stayed with her, to help her through it."

"Wow." It was all she could say.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah." She lost herself in thought, reflecting on how Alex had become one of the best men she had ever known, had become her best friend, the person she knew she could count on. She truly did not know what she would do without him. She smiled to herself, realizing it was the first time all day that she had forgotten about the feeling. Even when he wasn't with her he helped her, it seemed.

Meredith didn't realize how long she had been caught up in her thoughts until she heard Jo say, "Dr. Grey?"

Meredith looked up at Jo. "Sorry. Could you repeat that?"

"I was just wondering what advice you had for my placement interviews. They're coming up soon, and I want to know is there anything I should practice, or rehearse. I'd be grateful for any advice."

Suddenly, Meredith felt as if all of the air left the room. She felt like she was being suffocated, and struggled to maintain her composure. "Where…" she began, but her mouth was so dry she had to start over. "Where do you hope to go?"

Fortunately, Jo was so caught up in her questions that she failed to notice Meredith's situation. "I'd really like to end up some place back east. I've never said it out loud before, but I have always seen myself at Mass Gen."

The rest of her words fell away, and Meredith felt like a hole in the floor would open and swallow her up into oblivion. Suddenly, the sound of the beeping monitors filled the room.

"What did you do?" snapped Meredith.

"Nothing! I just placed that stitch…"

"Get out!"

"Dr. Grey…"

Meredith snapped her head up to look at Jo. Her face was contorted with an anger that Jo had never seen. "Dr. Wilson get out of my OR now!" she bellowed.

Jo stood in shocked silence for a moment, before turning and running from the operating room.

Meredith made quick repair of the bleeder that she knew was in no way Jo's fault. She focused intently on the task at hand. Her world was, indeed, falling apart but she was going to keep it together anyway. For now.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Jo exited the OR quickly, running directly into Alex.

"Hey! Watch it!" He teased, then saw the tears streaming down her face. "Jo, what's wrong?"

"It's Meredith…" she began.

Alex's face fell as he looked beyond Jo to the OR."Is she okay?"

Jo was annoyed. She was crying, but once again he was worried about her. "Yeah, _she's_ fine!" her tone sharper than she had intended. "I mean _she_ is the reason I'm upset!"

Alex's worry turned to confusion. "Okay, what did you do?"

Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened in shock. "Me? I didn't do anything, Alex! She started screaming at me for no reason!"

Alex stared at her unable to comprehend what she was saying. "Something must have happened. Meredith doesn't yell for no reason. What happened right before that?"

"Nothing! Nothing happened! We were actually having a really good conversation. She was giving me advice about studying for my boards, and she even told me a really sweet story about you."

Alex stared at the OR doors. This fight seemingly happened after talking about him. Was Meredith upset with him for something? He needed to speak with her. He turned his attention back to Jo, and pulled her in for a hug. "I'm sorry, Jo. I have a feeling this had nothing to do with you. I'll talk to her, okay?" He kissed her head.

She was really upset with both Meredith and Alex, but nodded anyway. As she walked down the hallway she tried to understand what had happened, but came up blank. Just when she felt like she was gaining ground with Meredith, she was back to where she started. She would be so glad to move away, where she and Alex could finally be free to live their own lives.

The OR doors opened and Alex stepped inside, holding a mask over his mouth. He observed her for a moment before speaking. She appeared to be closing, but her facial expression was far from relaxed. "How's it going?" he asked, tentatively.

Her breath caught in her throat at the sound of his voice. It threatened to unravel the artificial calm she had constructed. She did her best to steel herself. "Fine. Almost done here."

"Great. Can you find me after? I need to talk to you."

"Sure."

He studied her. Something was clearly going on with her. She hadn't even looked up at him. She was working in a frenzy on a clearly stable patient. He had seen her much more subdued in emergent settings.

"Anything else, Karev?"

He shook his head, worried. "No. I'll, uh, talk to you later." Reluctantly, he turned and left the room.

Once she was certain he had left, she turned to her resident and instructed them to finish closing.

She entered the scrub room, and stood at the sink for several minutes, until the shaking in her legs subsided and she could walk.

She hurried out of the room towards the bank of elevators. She pressed the button repeatedly. Finally, the doors opened and she got on. She needed air.

The doors finally opened, and she rushed out into the night air. Once outside, she doubled over, gasping for air. Once she calmed down, she stood slowly and walked to the bench.


	5. Chapter Five

Alex paced in the attendings lounge nervously. He had confirmed that Meredith's surgery had ended thirty minutes ago, and he had yet to hear from her.

He struggled to make sense of the information he knew. Meredith had been telling Jo a story about him. Shortly afterward, she became angry and yelled at Jo, throwing her out of the OR. Meredith wouldn't look at him and barely spoke to him when he went in the OR. Somehow, this had something to do with him, but what?

It just didn't make any sense. Meredith liked Jo and in fact had accepted her as a friend in recent months. She had Jo listed as a partner rather than an assistant on her research paper, which was a move certain to have multiple positive repercussions for Jo's career. Meredith was by Jo's side during the whole Paul fiasco. Why would she suddenly turn on her? Alex knew there must be a reason and needed to hear it from Meredith. He attempted several calls and texts with no response, which brought a sickening feeling back to him. He needed to find her, and find her now.

He searched everywhere in the hospital he knew to look, he had her paged several times despite the nasty looks he received when he repeatedly barked the order to the nurse at the desk.

He wrung his hands as sweat started to form on his brow. A small bead of sweat rolled down his pinched face threatening to drop into his eye. Searching himself as to where she could be, he thought of the bench in front of the hospital. She had a habit of seeking this bench out when she was trying to work something out in her mind.

He walked quickly with a forward gait, his doctor's coat billowing out in back of him, as he made his way to the doors. He hung his head and slumped his shoulders in sheer relief at the sight of her sitting out there. She was alone, and sat staring straight ahead. Something was very clearly wrong. He opened the door and went to her, sitting beside her on the bench.

"Go away, Alex." Her voice was cold, inflectionless. Her unseeing stare did not waver, and she made no effort to look at him.

"What's wrong?" there was something about the way she sat and stared, and the way she told him to go away, that caused him great concern.

"Nothing I'm fine."

Fine. That dreaded word. The one she used when she was anything but fine. He felt the panic start to well up inside of him. She wasn't talking, even to him, and it scared the hell out of him. Just yesterday she was her normal self, and now she seemed to be just a shell of herself.

"Meredith, please.." He leaned over to her, trying to get him to look at her.

She didn't know what to do. He was trying to get her to talk, to tell him what was wrong. She couldn't say the words. It hurt way too much. Her heart was pounding and she felt a lightheadedness she hadn't felt in a long time. She noticed her palms sweating and tried to wipe them on her jeans. She felt the sob, sitting like a knot in her throat threatening to break free at any moment. She swallowed hard and stood hastily, turning away from the hospital.

He came after her and put his hand on her shoulder. She stopped, but did not turn around.

"Meredith, I'm not going anywhere, so you might as well tell me what's going on."

When she next spoke, her tone was cold and harsh. She didn't sound like Meredith.

"Jo's a fifth year."

He shook his head. He was having a hard time following her. "Yeah, so?"

She swallowed hard, and turned to face him.

"Jo is a _fifth_ year." She repeated.

Her blue eyes were flat and sad. Suddenly, he realized what she was saying…what she wasn't saying. It was like a punch to the gut, and seemed to take all the air from him.

"Oh."

A single tear broke free, which Meredith quickly wiped away. "Yeah." It was barely a whisper, and she looked down at her shoes. "She's hoping to go to Mass Gen."

They stood like that for what could have been minutes or hours. How could he not have known this? Finally, Alex spoke.

"Screw it. It doesn't have to change anything. We're family, Mer. We-" he cleared his throat to keep his emotions in check. "We'll still talk all the time. We won't let anything change."

She didn't look up from her shoes. "Yeah, that's what Cristina and I said." Hot tears stung her cheeks, and she hoped he couldn't see them. "I want you to promise me you'll be happy. You deserve to be happy, Alex, and if I know you're out in the world happy, well, that will have to be enough."

His heart constricted, and he closed his eyes against the pain. She was telling him goodbye. He went to hug her, but she turned and fled. He wanted to go after her, but his feet felt like lead. He hung his head, and sat down on the bench she was on moments before. He stared ahead into the darkness.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

 _Alex, listen to me. You're better than this. You're stronger. Don't make this all your fault. I know you. That's what you do. But please, please don't do that. We can't just give up. Not after all this time. We have to stand together. We have to fight. Because it's just us now. There were five of us and now it's just you and I and it can't be just me. It can't be. I will go down swinging for you, Alex. You know I will. But that means you can't give up. You don't throw the fight. So whatever you're doing this for, please don't._

Alex had memorized that message she had left for him when he thought he was going to jail. He had played it over and over in his mind while he sat there.

 _…and now it's just you and I and it can't be just me. It can't be._

And now she thought he was leaving her, something he had promised he'd never do. He was completely numb. He had been sitting there for a couple of hours when Jo finally found him.

"There you are! I've been calling you! Why aren't you answering your phone?" She looked around, as if an explanation would be clear. "Why are you sitting out here?"

He didn't respond, and continued to stare straight ahead.

"Alex, what's wrong?"

"Mass Gen?" he turned to look at her through red, puffy eyes. "Were we even going to discuss it?"

Jo knew there were many things she should be feeling at the moment, but all she could feel was anger at his accusation. "Is that what this is all about? The placement interviews? Yes, I hope to go to Mass Gen. I would love to interview with them." Seeing his anguished expression infuriated her further. "I don't understand what the problem is here! I've been in training for five years. _You've_ been helping to train me! I am doing what I have been _trained_ to do!" Angry tears rolled down her face. "I haven't done anything wrong!" She stood up and paced as she spoke. "And of course I would have discussed it with you! No decision has been made. I don't even have the _freaking_ job offer! Yes, we would have talked about it." She regarded the man she loved coldly. Clearly, she would never come first. "But now, I'm not so sure there's anything to talk about."

She let the words hang in the air. When he didn't react, she turned to leave. She took a few steps, then turned and walked quickly back to him. "You know, you have to figure out what you want, Alex. You claim to love me, but you're willing to let me walk away over what? A misunderstanding? I don't even know what to call this!"

He felt his blood begin to boil. "No! Not a misunderstanding! You decided that you were going to take me from my _family_ without talking to me about it, and then decided to tell my family about it first. Do you know what that did to her? Do you have any idea about the damage you caused? Everyone she's loved has left or died. She was going to give you a fellowship in general. She _trusted_ you, Jo! Do you know how hard that is for her? And then you freaking tell her you're taking her family away!"

Jo was furious, yet everything was suddenly clear to her. "What about _me?_ I thought I was your family. I was thinking of our life together!" she yelled. "But that was never going to happen, because you already have your family. I've just been allowed to scrounge for scraps like a stray dog! You know what? I'm done. I'm free. I don't have to hide anymore. If I want to go to Mass Gen or freaking Mount Everest, I'm going. And you can just sit here and keep denying that you're in love with her. But do me a favor, hell do _everyone_ a favor and figure it out so no one else has to get hurt because you two can't figure out that you love each other." Tears streamed down her face. "I'm keeping the apartment. You need to find somewhere to stay, but I'm guessing that won't be a problem. Good bye, Alex. Do not speak to me unless it's directly related to a patient." She turned on her heel and was gone.

 _…and now it's just you and I and it can't be just me. It can't be._

He put his head in his hands. Why hadn't he gone after her? Tell her that she is his family? Why didn't he deny it when she said he was in love with Meredith?

 _…and now it's just you and I and it can't be just me. It can't be._

He knew he couldn't fix things with Jo, and worse, he didn't know if he wanted to. He knew he could help one thing. He got up and set off to Meredith's house.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

He stood on the porch staring at her front door. He wanted to go in, but his head was such a mess. He had a lot to process, but decided it would have to wait. He knew she was upset, and he wanted to make it better. He ran his hand through his hair, took a deep breath and opened the door.

He found the house dark, it's occupants having retired for the night. He headed up the stairs, unconcerned about waking her. He knew she wouldn't be sleeping. He paused just outside her room for a moment, then knocked. Opening the door a crack, he said, "Mer? Can I come in?"

She was laying on top of the bed, still dressed. She had sat like that for hours, just staring at nothing, breathing feeling like too much effort. She sat up when she heard him. "Yeah," she said quietly.

He came in to the room and climbed on to the bed with her, taking a similar position to hers. They sat in silence for several minutes. He ventured to look at her. He hated the sadness on her face, and the thought that he caused it, however indirectly, was crushing to him. "Mer, I'm not going anywhere."

Her eyebrows raised. "What? You have to go…"

Alex held up his hand. "Jo broke up with me."

She leaned forward, mouth open in surprise. "What? Why?"

Alex stammered. How could he tell her this. Sighing, he began. "After you left, I was…I think I was in shock. I just sat there for a couple hours." He looked at Meredith, devastation on his face. "How did I not realize this? I just assumed she would stay in Seattle. She never said anything!"

Meredith reached over and stroked his arm as he continued the story.

"Anyway, she found me, and when I questioned her she got mad. She said I should have known, we'd been training her for this for five years, and she didn't do anything wrong."

Meredith nodded. "That's all true. How does this turn into a breakup?"

He nervously ran his hand through his hair and cleared his throat.

"She started to walk away and I didn't go after her. She came back and accused me of letting her walk away over a misunderstanding. I told her it wasn't a misunderstanding. She unilaterally decided to take me from my family, and then decided to tell my family she was taking me away."

Meredith grimaced. "Ooh. Not good."

He turned to Meredith. "I told her you were going to offer her the general fellowship."

"Alex! You know you're not supposed to say anything!"

He nodded. "I know."

She sighed. "I'll talk to her tomorrow. I'm sure we can work this out."

He raised his eyebrows, shaking his head. "No, this is over. There is no working things out."

"Really, Alex, that doesn't sound so bad. It was just a bad day!"

"There's more I haven't told you."

Her eyes widened. "Did you cheat on her?"

He was offended. "No! I would never do that!" He caught the look she gave him, clearly indicating the time he cheated on Izzie. "Okay, I would never do that now."

"Then what could be so bad? You gotta tell me so I can help you."

"Mer, I can't."

"Of course you can. What can't you tell me?"

He leaned back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. If he was going to say this, he couldn't do it while looking at her. "I was very upset that her actions hurt you."

Meredith watched him intently. "Oh, Alex."

He decided to go with the rip the band aid off approach. "She said it was never about her, that I treated her like a stray dog scrounging for scraps, and…" he gulped. "You and I better figure out we love each other before anyone else gets hurt."

The room fell silent. He was glad he could hear her breathing. He could at least know she was still in the room. After five minutes, he could take it no longer, and turned to look at her. She was lying flat on her back, staring at the ceiling with tears streaking down her cheeks.

"Mer…"

"I'm so sorry, Alex. I told you earlier that I want you to be happy, and somehow I've ruined your happiness. I'm so, so sorry!" she was inconsolable. The stress of the day had hit it's peak, and the tears needed a release.

Alex's face fell. He came here to make her feel better and was having the complete opposite effect. He scooted over to her and gathered her in his arms. "Shhh, it's not your fault!" He felt terrible. "Please Mer, don't cry."

She couldn't stop the tears. Tears of sadness at almost losing her best friend. Tears of fear at facing a future alone. Tears of frustration at the stupid dream. But worst of all, tears of devastation at having destroyed the happiness of someone she loved. Loved? Why did Jo think that? Why did she break up with him over It? Did he deny it? Slowly, her thoughts turned to what this meant, and the tears stopped.

Alex kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair. His eyes stung with tears. He ruined every relationship he had ever had. He was in such a shame spiral that he hadn't noticed that she had stopped crying.

"So what did you tell her when she said that?" Meredith wanted to know.

"Nothing. I didn't know what to say. She had already made up her mind, and ours as well. But I know one thing. When she told me it was over, I wasn't that upset. When you left me tonight, I couldn't move for two hours." It was more than he planned on revealing, but couldn't let that go unsaid.

Meredith relaxed into him. As sad as she felt that his relationship had ended, she couldn't help but be relieved that he wouldn't be leaving.

"Mer?"

"Mmm?" she murmured as sleep threatened to take hold.

"Can I stay here for a while?"

She chuckled. He knew he had a permanent spot with her in that house, his for the taking whenever needed or wanted.

"Stay as long as you want." She murmured into his chest, losing the battle to stay awake.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

She was lying on her side on the gurney. The seductive voice called to her. "I want you, Meredith. Right here, right now."

"Mmm," she murmured. "Let me see you."

"You know who I am, Meredith."

"I want to see you." She felt herself give in to his kisses.

"Meredith…Meredith" he called to her.

"Meredith wake up."

She awoke with a start in Alex's arms. "Hey, are you okay? It sounded like you were having a nightmare.

She stared at him, eyes wide with alarm. "Mmhm."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She quickly shook her head no. "Nope. All good. Thanks. Good night!" She turned over and stared straight ahead, feeling panicked. It made sense now. The tunnels. The familiar voice. The man in her dream was lying in her bed. She had been dreaming, repeatedly, about…Alex? What did this mean? Was Jo right? Was she in love with him? He was her person, her best friend. Sure, there had been a few times when she thought they maybe had something more than friendship, but there was always an obstacle.

"But I know one thing. When she told me it was over, I wasn't that upset. When you left me tonight, I couldn't move for two hours."

She replayed what he had said before she fell asleep. What did that mean? Did he have feelings for her?

She sighed. This was complicated.

"Mer? You awake?"

"Yeah."

"Can we talk?"

She swallowed nervously. "Of course." She turned to him. He looked as nervous as she felt.

"Mer, I never want to lose you."

"I know." She wanted to say so much more, but it was all she could say.

"Please tell me that we're okay. I shouldn't have told you what she said."

"Alex, we're fine Don't worry about what she said."

He turned to stare at the ceiling ."That's kind of the thing." There was a hesitation while he got up the courage to continue." I can't stop thinking about it."

She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling, too. There was a long pause before she said, "I'm thinking about it, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Have you ever thought about it before?"

Actually, I've been dreaming about you the last four nights. "Well, yeah, I guess. It's what you do, you know?"

He relaxed and smiled. She was so great. Nothing was ever awkward with her. He ventured a glance at her. "So, what does this mean?" he felt like a teenage girl, so vulnerable, and he hated it.

She was silent for a bit. There was so much on the line. Too much. If she gambled and lost…she couldn't bear the thought. If she gambled and won, on the other hand…

She suddenly remembered her dead mother's words to her. "You are anything but ordinary."

She smiled to herself. "I guess it means we're thinking about it." She turned to see his face, and was relieved to see him smiling, too.

"Wow," he said.

"Wow," she repeated.

"Mer?"

"Yeah?"

"Does me being in your bed feel weird now?"

"Yeah, kind of. A little. But it's nice."

"Okay." There was a long silence before he spoke again. "We've known each other a long time."

She rolled onto her side to talk to him. "A really long time."

"You knew me back when I wasn't anyone worth knowing."

She reached over and took his hand. "You were always somebody worth knowing, Alex."

"You have always seen the good in me even when I didn't think there was any good left. I don't even think I would be a doctor if it wasn't for you." he said, remembering when she helped him pass his practicals.

"Yeah, well I don't know if I would even be a mother if it wasn't for you. You helped me believe I could do it, and then you brought us Zola. So we are more than even."

He smiled his crooked grin which she had always found so charming. "Well, we're definitely the head of each other's fan club."

She laughed. "That we are! Do you think it's possible to go from being friends to being more than friends without ruining our friendship?"

"It worked for Monica and Chandler."

Confused, she asked, "Who?"

He laughed. "From Friends? The television show?"

"Oh, yeah." She chuckled.

"I spend a lot of time with teenage girls," he said, by way of explanation. "But seriously, yeah. I think it's possible."

She noticed how he had been nervously playing with her fingers as he spoke. She realized she found it endearing.

"Alex, your relationship just ended. How do I know, how do you know this isn't just a rebound?"

He actually laughed at that. "Because, Mer. She's right. It always comes down to you. I let you throw her out of bed. I spent every spare minute on the phone for a year trying to find you. I slept in a chair for six weeks next to your bed. Today, she told me you yelled at her, and I asked her what she did wrong. It's you, Mer. That's how I know. You are anything but a rebound. I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

He didn't fidget with her fingers the whole time he spoke. Her heart was pounding, and she was sure he could feel the sweat on her palm.

He had a newfound confidence, and decided to run with it "Go out with me, Mer. Let me take you on a date."

She grinned. "A date?"

"Yeah, dinner or something. Whatever you want."

"And then what?"

"Just a date. If it doesn't work for you, we forget it. What matters to me is you."

Suddenly, it just made sense. She found herself smiling."How about dinner tomorrow?"

His face lit up with her response. "I'll, uh, pick you up at eight!"

She lie there, looking at the ceiling. "Alex?"

"Yeah Mer?"

"It's weird that you're in my bed."

He grinned. "Yeah. I'll hit the couch. Night."

"Night."


	9. Chapter Nine

**A/N: Thank you all for the faves and reviews. You all mean so much to me! Hope you enjoy this chapter. I really enjoyed writing it!**

Chapter Nine

"Do you think they had a fight?" Maggie asked.

"They must have. It's the only time he winds up here lately. That and when they have their drinking parties. But I don't smell alcohol." Amelia said, wrinkling her nose.

He opened one eye to watch the two of them, hovering over him.

"Do you two have to do this? Can't you let a guy sleep?" He should be annoyed, but truth be told he was in too good of a mood. Meredith had agreed to go on a date with _him_.

He sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He saw that they had not budged, silently demanding an answer to their questions. He sighed. "Yes, we had a fight." He hesitated, running his hand through his hair. "More than a fight. We broke up. For good, this time."

Maggie sat down next to him. "Oh, Alex, I'm so sorry!" She put a comforting arm across his shoulder.

Amelia, however, took a different tact, crossing her arms in front of her chest and leaning back on her heels. "What did you do?" She asked, accusatorily.

Maggie looked up at her sister, aghast. "Amelia!"

He looked up, annoyed. "I didn't do anything. It just ended, okay?"

"Is there anything we can do?" Maggie asked.

"Thanks. No, I'm fine." He saw the look of concern on Maggie's face. "Really, Mags. I'm fine. Thanks."

He heard Meredith coming down the stairs and stood up. The sisters headed into the kitchen, leaving the two to talk.

They both regarded the other, sheepishly.

"How'd you sleep?" she asked.

"Great. It's a great couch." He said, awkwardly. "How'd you sleep?"

She laughed. "Great."

He joined her laughter. They both knew the other had not been able to sleep.

They made their way in to the kitchen. "Coffee?" She asked Alex.

"Yeah."

She walked over and took down two mugs, then turned to Maggie and Amelia. "Can one of you watch the kids tonight?"

"Sure. I can do it. Where are you gonna be?" Maggie asked.

"I have a…thing." She said mysteriously, setting Alex's coffee in front of him, giving him a sly smile.

"A thing," Amelia repeated. Her eyes grew large at her realization. "You mean a date!" Amelia flashed her a wide smile. "Well, good for you. Glad to see you're taking my advice!"

Meredith thought back to Amelia's advice from yesterday to _"Let your lady live a little!"_ and chuckled. "It's not related to your advice," she said, using air quotes around _advice_.

"What advice, exactly?" Alex found himself asking.

Meredith shot Amelia her best ' _Do not say anything!'_ stare, which Amelia promptly ignored.

"Meredith has been having sex dreams about some guy and I told her it probably just means she needs to, you know, have some fun!" she said, unapologetically.

Meredith groaned and sat down next to Alex on a bar stool with her coffee.

"Really!" Alex was amused. "Who's the guy?"

"That's the thing. She can't see his face." Maggie chimed in.

Meredith put her head in her hands, her face turning crimson. "That's it. I need new sisters."

"So, a mystery man, huh?" he teased her.

"It's a stupid dream and I don't want to talk about it." She muttered into her hands.

"So, who's the date with, Mer!" Maggie exclaimed.

She put her mug to her mouth. "Seriously, shouldn't I have a new sister coming through the door any moment?"

"Yeah, Mer. Who is this mystery guy?" he asked, bemused, clearly enjoying the moment.

"I don't know if _he_ would want me revealing that yet," she said, sliding him a sideways glance. If he wanted to play, she would send the ball squarely back into his court.

"Oh, I'm sure he'd be okay with it." He easily returned the lob.

"Really? You don't think maybe there are _factors_ he would want to consider?" she hoped he would understand that she was referring to Jo, who she knew he would not want to hurt with the inevitable hospital gossip.

"Okay, what are we missing?" Maggie asked.

Meredith stood, scraping her stool back from the counter. She grabbed Alex's mug as well as her own. "We're going to be late." Meredith said, placing the mugs in the sink. I've got to get ready to go."

She turned an left the kitchen. Alex watched her leave, a dejected look on his face.

"I think we pushed too far," Maggie said.

"I got this." Alex said, and left the kitchen in search of Meredith.

He found her up in her room, the door ajar. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at her hands, which rested in her lap. He knocked lightly on the door. "Mer? Can I come in?"

He didn't wait for her answer. He entered, and closed the door behind him. He watched her for a second before crossing to her, sitting next to her on the bed.

"Listen, I'm sorry. That was wrong. I shouldn't have pushed you…"

She held her hand up. "Are you sure, Alex? _Really_ sure?"

He understood her question. She wanted to make sure that he really wanted to go out with her. He found her insecurity adorable. He reached up and gently turned her face to look at him. "I'm _sure_ sure."

He gazed into her bluish green eyes. The corners of her mouth turned up in a little smile. He gently brushed a stray strand of hair from her eyes, letting his hand linger for just a second on her cheek, before allowing it to slide behind the nape of her neck and pull her to him. Closing his eyes, he gently pressed his lips to hers, and pulled back, until their lips were barely brushing against each other's. He opened his eyes and peered into hers. He had not been planning on kissing her then, it's just that he could not not kiss her. They seemed to sit like that for an eternity, but in actuality was closer to ten seconds. His breath caught in his throat as she leaned in to kiss him back, gently at first. He felt her hand slide up into his hair as the kiss deepened and he gained entry to her mouth. The kiss was slow and sensual, causing his heart to pound loudly against his rib cage. His hand wound in her hair, enjoying the closeness he never thought would be his.

Their reverie was broken by Maggie calling to them up the stairs. "Mer, Alex, come on. We really are going to be late."

They reluctantly broke from the passionate embrace, pressing their foreheads together momentarily.

"So, I'll still see you tonight?" He asked, still gazing into her eyes.

She nodded slowly, her eyes not leaving his. "Oh, yeah."

They lingered another moment.

"Guys!" Maggie bellowed.

Meredith stood up, and reached her hand out to him.

"You go ahead. I, uh, need a moment."

She grinned at him, and left the room.


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Alex had felt like he was walking on a cloud all morning. The kiss he had shared with Meredith was unlike any he had ever had. It had sent electricity through his entire body, and he craved more. He was looking forward to their date tonight, no longer nervous. He knew now that he had not been imaging the chemistry he had felt between them for so long.

So caught up in the unexpected turn of events was he that he had actually _forgotten_ about Jo. Had forgotten completely until he physically ran into her going around a corner.

"Watch where you're going!" She bellowed at him.

He felt terrible when he realized not just that he had run into her, but that he had _actually forgotten_ about her.

"Jo, I'm so sorry." It was all he could think to say.

"Save it, _Dr. Karev_. Just get your crap out of my loft!"

She looked at him with venom, and stormed past him. He felt terrible about how their relationship had ended, especially since it appeared that she had done him a huge favor. He loved her, a part of him would always love her. However, he knew there was nothing he could do to make it better, so he shook his head and continued on with his day.

Meredith scrubbed in for what was sure to be a lengthy surgery. As she scrubbed, she glanced repeatedly at the door to the scrub room. Jo had been scheduled to scrub in with her, but she was not returning Meredith's texts. She was almost finished scrubbing in when the door opened and Bailey entered, scowling.

"Grey, you want to tell me why I had to re-arrange my day to scrub in with you on this surgery?" Her voice was tight, and she enunciated every word as she spoke.

"Where's Wilson?" Meredith asked, her voice sounding higher than she had intended.

Bailey began scrubbing. "Doctor Wilson came in to my office today to tell me that _my_ head of General Surgery was impeding her education. And if that wasn't bad enough, she claims that _my_ head of General Surgery also ruined her love life. Refresh my memory, Dr. Grey. Do I _like_ hearing about my resident's love life?"

Meredith stared stone-faced into the operating room. "No."

"That's right, I do _not_ like hearing about my resident's love life. So, can you tell me how you have managed to sidetrack her education _and_ her love life? And why she's demanding to be off your service?"

Meredith closed her eyes and blew out a sigh. She had barely come to terms with the events of the last twenty-four hours herself. How was she to explain it to the Chief of Surgery? "It's…complicated, Dr. Bailey."

Bailey had finished scrubbing in, and the doctors entered the operating room. "Well, at least explain how you're impeding her education!" she demanded.

The doctors took their places at the patient's side. "Ten blade." Meredith began. Once she made the initial incision, she continued. "We were in surgery together yesterday, and we were discussing preparing for the boards."

"Okay…sounds pretty normal so far."

Meredith nodded. "And then she asked me for advice on the placement interviews. Suction, Hellmouth," she ordered the intern.

"Also normal." Bailey observed. Meredith shot her a look. Bailey squinted. "Not normal?"

"She told me she's always seen herself at Mass Gen, and was hoping to interview with them."

Bailey's mouth opened slightly in surprise.

Meredith sighed. "We've been training her for five years. It never occurred to us that we've been training her to leave."

Bailey scrunched up her face behind her surgical mask. "Well, what did you think was going to happen?"

"More suction, Hellmouth. Over there. That's good." She glanced up at Dr. Bailey. "I thought I'd give her the General fellowship. I thought she'd stay in Seattle. We both did."

Bailey finally understood what Meredith was saying. "Wait, _both_ of you…"

"I didn't handle it well when I realized she was planning on leaving."

"Because it meant that he would be leaving, too."

Meredith nodded. "So, I threw her out of the OR for something that wasn't her fault. It was barely even a thing. That's why she said I was impeding her education."

Bailey took a minute to digest this information. "That's not so bad. I'm sure if you two sat down together…" she stopped speaking when Meredith again sent a sharp look her way. She was no longer interested in the drawn out version of events. "Oh, out with it, Grey!"

Meredith spent several minutes focusing intently on the surgery, which Miranda knew was her way of avoiding answering, if only for the moment. Finally, she looked up at Miranda. "After the surgery, Alex and I spoke. He never realized it either- that we were training her to leave. They had never even discussed it. I went home, but they fought. It apparently got pretty bad because they wound up breaking up. That's pretty much it." She decided against telling her that she was going on a date with Alex. She didn't feel Miranda needed that information. Not yet, anyway.

Miranda regarded her Head of General Surgery. What she explained seemed innocuous enough, yet she sensed there was something more. She decided to drop it for now, but she was confident she would soon find out the rest. She was, after all, Dr. Bailey.

Over the course of the next several hours, Meredith found herself replaying their conversation in her bed last night, and the kiss they had shared that morning. The kiss had sent heat to all of her important places and had sent her whole body humming with anticipation. Knowing now that it was Alex about whom she had been dreaming, she couldn't help but compare the dream kiss to the real kiss. While the dream kiss had been passionate, it only left her frustrated. The only frustrating part of the real kiss was that it had been interrupted. She glanced at the clock on the wall and smiled. Only three more hours until their date.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Alex still had a few hours before his date with Meredith. He had checked Jo's schedule, and found that she was still working for a few more hours, so he decided now was the time to gather his belongings from the loft.

He brought some boxes with him, and made quick work of packing clothing, toiletries, his old wrestling trophies, and the relatively few odds and ends he had accumulated through the years.

He opened the drawer to his end table. His forehead creased and his mouth was drawn into a tight line. There in the drawer lay the engagement ring he had tried to give to Jo. He picked it up and opened it. He had spent hours over several trips to different jewelers to find this ring. It had to be perfect, just like he thought Jo had been. His jaw tightened as he thought back to how hard he had worked to plan the perfect proposal, and how excited he had been when it was finally at hand. He remembered the feeling of breathlessness as he waited for her answer after he had asked the question, and the crushing pain she delivered when the answer was no. With a sigh, he swallowed hard and, with one last glance, closed the box to the ring – and his future with Jo. He placed the box inside one of his moving boxes with some other odds and ends.

He stood and looked around at the apartment he had shared with her. They'd had some happy times here, but all he could remember at the moment was pain. Pain at her rejection. Pain he had felt when he had come home to reconcile, and found Deluca on top of her. Pain of knowing what he had done to an innocent man. Pain of possibly going to prison.

He took out his keys and removed the key to the loft from his key ring. He placed it on the counter, letting his hand rest on it for just a moment. It was difficult to comprehend that just yesterday he had planned a future with her, had thought she was his forever. Now, he saw their relationship for what it had been: two people who'd had good intentions, but were ultimately bad for each other. She needed to fly, and he was holding her back.

He then gathered the boxes that contained everything he owned. He didn't worry much that all of his worldly possessions were contained in four boxes. He had, in fact, developed this as a survival strategy while living in foster care. If he didn't have much, he didn't have much to lose. It made leaving, which was always inevitable, so much easier. He had trained himself to keep a distance, don't get attached. _You can't get hurt if they can't get in._ That had been his mantra from a young age. And then he met Meredith, and somehow, when he wasn't looking, she got in. If it hadn't been for her, in fact, he doubted that he ever could have had the relationship with Jo at all. And, as much as the end of his relationship with Jo hurt, he acknowledged that without Jo, he wouldn't have had a chance with Meredith.

 _You can't get hurt if they can't get in._ He thought once more about his longtime mantra. He closed his eyes tightly, sinking into a chair as his heart constricted and he permitted the tears to fall. He allowed himself a moment to feel the pain he had spent the majority of his life avoiding.

Afterwards, he swallowed the rest of the pain. He sighed, stood, and took one last look around the loft. He picked up the last box and left the loft.

Meredith had finished the surgery and was washing up in the scrub room. Dr. Bailey had left a short time earlier after completing her portion of the operation. As she turned off the water and reached for a towel, the door to the scrub room had opened. When Jo saw her there, she turned to leave.

"Jo, wait."

Jo turned to face her former friend. She narrowed her eyes at her and crossed her arms across her chest. "Yes, _Dr. Grey?"_

Meredith looked at her and knitted her eyebrows together. She placed her hand flat against her chest. "Jo, I'm sorry. I know it sounds absurd, but I really never realized that we were training you to – to leave! It threw me for a loop, and I didn't handle it well."

Jo glared at her and pursed her lips. "Is that it?"

"Jo, you're my friend…"

"Ha! You have _never_ been my friend! I tried for _years_ to get you to like me, to be part of your illustrious circle. I tolerated it when you would be unnecessarily mean to me at work. I grit my teeth when you kicked me out of bed. I listened as person after person told me to give you a chance, because you were _so great_. And then suddenly, it seemed like my patience was paying off, and I was welcome with you, and then with Paul, to have your support meant everything to me. I finally saw what all those people were saying! But it was all part of your plan, wasn't it?"

Meredith tipped her head to the side. "My plan?" she questioned.

"You _acted_ like you were my friend. You _acted_ like you wanted to mentor me. But it was just a way to keep him here, with you!" The volume of her voice had steadily been rising, and now could officially be classified as shouting.

Meredith looked up in an effort to keep the tears that stung her eyes from spilling. She crossed her arms, swallowed hard and blew out a breath. When she felt she was in control of her emotions, she met her gaze and spoke. "It was not an act, Jo. It took me a while to warm up to you, to trust you. Because he's my family, and had been hurt so many times before, I am protective over him. I always will be. But you proved yourself. I know it took a long time, but I finally trusted you, that you wouldn't hurt him like the others." Tears stung her eyes, and despite her efforts spilled down her cheeks. "It wasn't an act, Jo. I was your friend. You are a gifted surgeon, and I enjoyed teaching you. It wasn't an act."

She brushed past Jo, who still stood in the doorway. Once Meredith had left, Jo turned and punched the wall.


	12. chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Meredith paced the floor of the attendings lounge, still reeling after her confrontation with Jo. She was upset with Jo's accusation that she had never been her friend, but was more upset with herself that she had given her a reason to believe that it was true.

After a few minutes, she had gotten her emotions in check, and then realized she had less than half an hour until she was to meet Alex. He had wanted to pick her up, but since no one knew they were going on a date, this proved to be tricky. As a compromise, he had arranged for an Uber to meet him at the restaurant.

She grabbed the dress she had brought with her from her cubby and hurried to the bathroom to ready herself. Twenty minutes later, she was in date mode. She had selected a black, low cut dress that accentuated her cleavage without being slutty and heels that she felt were too slutty for a mom of three. Her hair was teased up into something resembling sexy and the makeup was doing a good job of hiding the bags under her eyes. "Ah, the life of a surgeon," she mused to herself.

Alex had made reservations at a nice restaurant on the marina, and as she rode to meet him, her heart rate quickened. She took several deep breaths to steady her nerves as the car pulled into the parking lot. He had also just arrived, and she directed the driver to park next to him.

"Wow!" he said, breathlessly, as she got out of the car.

He was dressed in a nice suit and tie. She smiled appreciatively. "Wow yourself." She said as she reached his side. They looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds. He held out his arm.

"Shall we?"

She grinned and took his arm as he lead her into the restaurant. They approached the host, and Alex announced, "Karev. Party of two for eight o'clock."

The host checked his tablet. "Ah, yes. Good evening. Your table is right this way." He lead them to a round, bistro-like table with a picturesque view of the marina. Moonlight illuminated the smattering of boats that bobbed gently on the water.

After they were seated and handed menus, Meredith leaned into him. "Alex this place is beautiful. How did you hear about it?"

"A patient's mother was telling me about it a while ago. She said it was the most romantic restaurant she'd ever been to, and if I had someone special, I should take them here. When I asked you out, I knew this is where I was going to take you." He paused. "I've never wanted to come here until now."

She smiled at him, feeling heat creep into her cheeks. She felt silly for blushing, especially since she had known him for what seemed like forever, although she had never known him in this way. She thought back to their kiss that morning, and felt herself getting flustered. She cleared her throat. "How was your day?" she asked, then immediately chuckled. It seemed such a strange question for her to ask him.

He joined in her laughter. "Yeah, that's a little weird."

"Yeah."

He reached across the table and took her hand, growing serious. "I moved out of the loft this afternoon."

She wanted to know more, but at that moment, the sommelier came and took their wine order.

When he had gone, she squeezed his hand. "Are you okay?"

He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze back. "I'm fine."

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

He sighed lightly. "I'm a little sad, sure. But honestly, I'm more relieved. We weren't right for each other. We weren't for a long time. And if it got me here with you, it was more than worth it. We're good together, Mer. I think we can be great together."

The words hung in the air as the sommelier arrived with their wine selections, and spent a minute pouring the wine and discussing it with them. Meredith never took her eyes off of Alex. Finally, they were alone again.

He smiled at her. "I, uh, couldn't stop thinking about you all day." He said, quietly.

She grinned at him. "Yeah, I couldn't stop thinking about you, either. And I had to operate with Bailey!" she said on a laugh.

He laughed heartily at that. "I hope it was a quick surgery."

"A freaking whipple!"

They both laughed for a few minutes at that. They were interrupted again, this time by the waiter arriving to take their orders. They both ordered a steak, as it was highly recommended by the mother of Alex's patient.

Once again alone, they quieted down and stared at each other, drinking each other in, becoming comfortable in their new roles. Meredith would occasionally glance down, then look back up at him. She would tuck a loose piece of hair behind her ear, or take a small sip of wine and then look back at him. Each time, his breath caught in his throat and he silently cursed the table that separated them, wanting so badly to kiss her.

She watched him as every once in a while the corners of his mouth would turn up into the slightest of smiles when she would venture to make eye contact with him. She could tell even when she looked away that he never did. She silently cursed the table, but was also glad for its presence, as she so badly wanted to kiss him – and was afraid that once she did, she would not be able to stop.

Their meals arrived, and they talked about surgeries and the kids and everything in between, except what they wanted to talk about. That would need to happen in a much more private setting. They reached for the pepper at the same time, their hands brushing against each other's. There was no mistaking the heat they both felt. When the waiter arrived to ask if they would be having dessert, they didn't even look at him as they both declined, and Alex asked for the check.

Once he had paid the check, he escorted her from the restaurant with his hand in the small of her back, which sent electricity zinging up her spine.

"Let's go for a walk," he suggested.

Not ready for their evening to be over, she agreed.

They followed the walkway around the side of the building which led to a scenic overlook of the marina. They stood side by side, staring out at the water. The backs of their hands lightly swept the other's, the night concealing their smiles as they enjoyed the tingle of excitement that followed the innocent contact.

"I don't know if I could ever live on a boat," Alex mused, as they watched the houseboats moored in the marina. He was searching for something, anything, to distract him from how badly he wanted to kiss her.

"Oh, I know I couldn't," answered Meredith. A sudden breeze blew through, and Meredith wrapped her arms around herself against the chill.

Alex noticed, and took his jacket off. "Here" He turned her to him, and reached around her back to wrap his jacket around her shoulders. He rubbed her arms to generate warmth, pulling her closer in the process.

"Thanks." She smiled up at him.

He took a small step towards her, giving her his trademark grin. "You're welcome. So, was this date a success?" He asked.

"So far, I'd have to say yes. But I feel like there's more to come."

He took another step towards her. "Maybe we should continue this at your place."

He was close enough for her to feel his hot breath on her neck. She inhaled his masculine scent of leather and cedar. The essence had proved to be a source of comfort through the years. Tonight, it stirred up a different emotion.

"I think that's a good idea." she said on a whisper.

"It's the right thing to do." He breathed her in, prolonging the urge to kiss her, the light lavender aroma a panacea for his nerves. The fragrance had long been familiar and welcome. But now, it was more; it was intoxicating.

She turned her face up to him, and temptation could no longer be denied. His lips brushed hers, barely, hovering for a second before pressing them to hers. His teeth took hold of her bottom lip as her hands went up to his hair. He felt her mouth open to him, and his tongue met hers with a fiery urgency. His hand went to her hair, gripping it passionately, while his other hand slid down to her slight waist. He pulled her to him, and her hand went around his neck and she held him to her.

As his tongue swirled with hers, so swirled her thoughts. She replayed his words from the restaurant. I think we can be great together. If this kiss was any indication, she knew he was right. She'd had her share of good kisses, even great kisses. This kiss, she thought, was more than that. It was magic.

A light rain had started to fall, amplifying the chill in the night air. Reluctantly, she broke from the kiss.

"Okay, okay," she sighed and pressed her hand gently to his chest. She smiled at him seductively.

"Ready to head back?" he asked, returning the smile.

"Yeah, let's get out of here."

They headed back towards the car, his arm wrapped securely around her shoulders.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

 **A/N: Im so sorry for the long delay! i re wrote this scene many times, and have decided to split it into two seperate scenes. I hope you like it, and look forward to hearing what you think. Thanks for sticking with me! More to come!**

The ride home had been filled with meaningful glances and sheepish smiles. He had reached out and held her hand, the innocent touch sending warmth surging throughout her body.

They rode in silence for a while, save for the occasional whir of the wiper blades against the wispy veil of rain cascading onto the windshield, content in each other's company. She watched him as they drove. He had fine lines around his eyes. Meredith wondered when that had happened. She had looked at him nearly every day for the past fourteen years and had never noticed them before. She smiled to herself, realizing that he had those lines from smiling. They smiled a lot when they were together. He was always able to make her smile, even when smiling seemed impossible, especially when smiling seemed impossible. He was the first person she wanted to talk to when something happened, the person she trusted over all others. It amazed her to think just yesterday he was her person, her best friend, and now she realized she was staring at his lips, daydreaming about kissing him again. It was, on the most basic level, a surreal feeling. She didn't have it all figured out yet, but she knew she wanted this. The kiss this morning had awakened something in her - she wanted a relationship with Alex.

He turned briefly to her, his eyes crinkled joyously at their edges. "Penny for your thoughts."

"Thank you for tonight. It's…been a long time since someone has gone through so much trouble for me."

He glanced at her, an eyebrow raised in surprise, and squeezed her hand. "That was nothing. That was dinner. It's going to take me a little more time to show you how much you mean to me. But none of it, none, would I ever consider trouble. You? You're worth everything."

She felt her breath catch, and her heartbeat thudded in her ears. She cleared her throat in an attempt to dislodge the lump that had formed there. "Well, I guess I have to agree to a second date after that." she said, softly, teasingly, but was truly touched by his words. Her thumb stroked the back of his hand. She gave him a thin lipped smile when he glanced at her.

Alex pulled the car into the driveway and parked. On the way home, the rain had become stronger and it was now a heavy, pelting rain. He jumped out of the car and came around to open her door. He extended his hand to help her out of the car, and escorted her quickly to the front door with his hand at the small of her back.

Despite their haste, they were soaked through. They reached the porch and shook the rain from themselves, laughing as they did so. Meredith was looking down, brushing the rain from her skirt. Alex watched her, enraptured by her beauty. Several droplets of rain, illuminated by the porch lights, glistened like diamonds in her hair. The rain dampened locks clung to her shoulders, while her saturated dress clung to all of the curves of her body. His eyes dilated with desire and he moved towards her.

Meredith raised herself to find Alex had entered her personal space. Her heart rate quickened and she sucked in air. His head was tilted ever so slightly to the right, his deep chocolatey eyes drinking in her form. A small smile played seductively at the corner of his mouth.

"You're beautiful, you know that?"

She scoffed. "I'm a mess!"

He laughed softly and took another step towards her, closing the gap between them. "Yeah, a beautiful one."

He lowered his face to hers and kissed her quickly, gently.

"I think we'll have more fun if we get out of these clothes," he said.

She smirked and raised an eyebrow. Before she could say anything, he chuckled and offered a clarification.

"What I meant is we should get out of these wet clothes. Go get changed, then meet me downstairs."

She nodded, and entered the house. She did a quick survey of her surroundings and found the downstairs empty, and gestured to Alex that it was safe to enter. She hurried upstairs to her bedroom, careful to avoid the stairs that squeaked. Having spent much of her childhood and most of her adulthood in this house, it was an easy task. Shivering, she quickly removed her shoes and dress, which she hung in the bathroom to dry. She rummaged through her closet for a change of clothes, settling on gray sweatpants and a light blue tee shirt. She looked in the mirror and grimaced lightly. Alex had said she was beautiful, yet her hair was plastered to her head and her makeup had become smudged in places. She quickly fixed her hair with her fingers and fixed the smudges with a moistened makeup remover. She crossed the hallway to check on the kids and found them all sleeping peacefully. She put her hand to her stomach to calm her nerves, and excitedly descended the staircase.

When she reached the bottom step, Alex was waiting for her. Her heart did a little flip at the mere sight of him, eliciting a smile from her. He had changed into black sweatpants and a dark blue shirt, and was holding two glasses of wine, one of which he offered to her, and she accepted.

He led her to the sofa, and once settled, she asked, "What should we drink to?"

He tipped his chin up in thought for a moment. "How about 'to us'?"

She nodded. "To us." They clinked glasses, and each sipped their wine.

She turned to face him, her head tilted slightly to the side. They sat like that for a few moments, drinking each other in.

He took her wine glass and placed it, along with his, on the coffee table. He turned back to her, and caressed her face. "You really are beautiful," he said breathlessly.

She smiled appreciatively and leaned in to meet him halfway for a short kiss, after which he pressed his forehead to hers for a minute and sighed lightly.

He sat back on the couch. "So…" he said, drawing out the word. He hoped she would understand that he was asking her if she thought they could date.

She looked into his eyes which shimmered with happiness. She felt lighter than she had in quite some time, relishing the happiness reflected on his face. Suddenly, she worried that she could hurt him, really hurt him, if things didn't work out. Her heart lurched at the thought. Her mouth had suddenly gone dry, and she reached for her wine. She tried to banish the thought. "We're going to have to talk about a few things first."

He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head slightly, intrigued, but wanted more to focus on the way her honey colored hair danced along her cheek as she spoke. He had always thought she was beautiful, but had never allowed himself much time to reflect upon it, always putting their friendship first. "Okay. What are you thinking?"

She sighed softly. "I'm thinking that we have to protect our friendship, and to do that, we need rules."

He chuckled softly. "Are you sure that's a good idea? You and I have never been great with following rules."

She dipped her head slightly to the left in mock annoyance, but the thin smile on her lips betrayed her intention. "Alex, I'm serious!"

He nodded slightly, and reached out to brush the hair from her face, mesmerized by her beauty. "I know."

She closed her eyes against the pleasure of his touch and took a deep breath to steady herself. They needed to have this conversation, but she felt herself to be in real danger of abandoning the attempt in pursuit of a more entertaining venture. Steeling herself, she willed her eyes to open and pushed back from him, scooting back on the couch. Giggling softly, she teasingly admonished him, pointing her finger at him. "No! Talk first!"

He semi mockingly growled his disapproval, and begrudgingly sat back on the couch. "Fine." He tried to sound annoyed, but she saw the gleam in his eyes.

Despite herself, she chuckled at his mock indignation. "First rule, the friendship comes first. Nothing can come between us. If we're mad at each other for something, we talk it out. No going silent, sulking, or hiding how we feel."

He chuckled half-heartedly. "Yeah, we may want to write that down."

Her eyes widened. "Yes! Good idea." Before he could tell her he was joking, she jumped up and grabbed a notebook and pen from the nearby credenza. She settled back on the couch and hurriedly scribbled rule number one into canon.

"Hey, I got one." Alex said. "No making big decisions without consulting each other."

She leaned over the notebook, and scribed the new rule. He groaned softly in longing as her hair again grazed her cheek. He started moving towards her, and she put her arm out straight to stop him. He sat back again and rolled his eyes. He reached for his wine and took a big gulp. He set the glass down and gazed upon her. The lines of his face softened as he watched her. She sat pensively, her pen poised up by her mouth. He recognized this for what it was, she was scared.

"Put this one down." He softly suggested. "No one else gets to be your person. It's just us." He moved closer to her, and she sat up to face him. "We talk, to each other, when there's a problem. We don't run from each other, or to anyone else. No one climbs in our bed at night…unless it's the kids, of course." He moved slightly closer, and she put the notebook down. "It's just us, Mer." He repeated, closing the distance between them. He leaned in to her. "I know you're scared. I am, too. But we can do this. Just us."

She sucked in some air as he leaned in to kiss her, disarmed by how well he could read her. "Just us," she said breathlessly, as she melted into his kiss.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

 **A/N: Fair warning: Strong sexual content. Read (and review, please!) at your own risk! Hope you enjoy!**

Her arms encircled his neck as she gave in fully to his kiss. Her body relaxed into him, the feeling of safety and security enveloping her. The world around them fell away, and it _was_ just them, exploring a new chapter in their story.

His hand slid up her back, into her hair. It tangled there for a few moments, and then moved down to her waist when their kiss intensified. His senses demanded to feel her smooth skin, and he pulled up her top just enough to put his hand under the hem of her shirt. He allowed it only to stay in that one spot, relishing the feeling of her skin warming under his touch.

Her heart quickened at the feel of his warmth on her bare skin. It was exciting and sensuous, but it also made her thoughts race. Her desire was nearing the point of no turning back, of not _wanting_ to turn back. She felt her resolve melting quickly. She knew they would be great together, but was it too soon? Would it ruin their friendship? As their passion built, so did her turmoil. She scrunched her eyes tightly shut against the thoughts and her eyebrows became pinched. Her body screamed for more physical contact, while the voice in her head telling her to stop gained the upper hand. Reluctantly, she broke from the kiss, placing her palm against his chest tenderly.

She caught her breath and smiled warmly at him. "Alex, I think…I think we should call it a night." She studied his reaction, but did not see the irritation she was expecting.

"If you want to wait, we'll wait. I don't want you to do anything you're not ready to do."

She sat back on the couch and sighed, frustrated with herself. "I _don't_ want to wait, but my thoughts are all over the place. I just need a little time. Does that make any sense?"

He moved next to her and put his arm around her. "It makes perfect sense. Take all the time you need. I'll wait for you." He kissed the top of her head tenderly.

She leaned in and pressed her lips to his, quickly, to avoid herself from completely abandoning her resolve. "Good night, Alex."

He smiled his crooked grin at her. "Night, Mer. Sleep well!"

She chuckled, knowing neither of them would sleep well, and headed upstairs.

Once in her room, she closed the door and leaned against it, fighting the urge to run back down to him and drag him upstairs. After a few calming breaths, she went through her nightly rituals, and got into bed. She lie awake for quite some time before sleep over took her.

 _"I want you, Meredith. Right here, right now. And I know you want me, too." Alex was now clearly visible to her, sitting next to her on the gurneys in the tunnels._

 _"I do, but it's too soon. It will ruin everything."_

 _"It can only make things better. A lot better." He leaned in to kiss her._

She sat up with a start, then groaned. She grabbed her phone and checked the time. Without hesitation, she dialed.

"So? Who is he?" Cristina said upon answering.

"Are you sitting down?"

"If you say Owen, I don't think we can continue our friendship."

"Nope. Not Owen." Meredith felt her heart pound as she prepared to tell Cristina the identity of the man in her dreams.

"Okay, I can't take it. Tell me!"

Meredith took a deep breath. "It's Alex."

There was a long silence. "Cristina? Are you there?"

Suddenly, hysterical laughter flooded the line. "Evil spawn is your secret midnight kisser?" She choked the words out in between laughter.

Meredith sighed and rolled her eyes. She hadn't even told her the big news yet. "Are you done? Cuz there's more." She said, sounding impatient.

"Oh don't tell me you jumped his bones when you found out it was him." She started laughing again.

"Cristina! I'm serious!"

It was another moment before the laughter died down. "Okay, okay. I'm listening. What's up?"

"Something's happened," she began.

"What? Don't leave me hanging!"

"Okay, so I was in surgery with Jo when she asked me for advice on Placement interviews, and revealed she'd always wanted to go to Mass Gen. It really threw me. In all this time, I never realized that she could leave."

"And he would leave too."

"Yeah. I – I felt like my world was imploding. All of a sudden, I realized I couldn't imagine my life without Alex. I barely made it through that surgery. I got out of there, and wound up on that bench in front of the hospital, where Alex found me. He didn't realize she was planning on leaving either. I told him to be happy, and that knowing he's out there in the world and happy would have to be enough for me."

"You were letting him go."

"Yeah."

"Whoa."

"I left him there, and I came home. He showed up a couple of hours later and told me what happened after I left."

"Which was?"

"They got in a huge fight and she broke up with him. And she told him…" her voice trailed off, not sure how she'd react to this.

"What? What did she tell him?" Cristina asked impatiently.

"She told him that he and I better figure out that we love each other so no one else has to get hurt."

The silence on the other end was not followed by laughter this time. "Oh my God Mer!"

"Right?"

"So then what happened?"

"Well we talked for a while. We both admitted we were thinking about what she had said, and we admitted that we both had thought about it before. He...asked me on a date."

"Well what did you say?"

She sighed deeply, blissfully remembering the evening. "I said yes. We went out tonight. He took me to a trendy, beautiful restaurant. We talked and laughed the whole time. Afterwards, he took me on a walk on the marina. He gave me his jacket when I got cold. And we kissed. A lot. He's a _really_ great kisser! Then we came back here and there was some more kissing."

"And you freaked out?" Cristina prompted.

"I _can't_ lose him, Cristina. I'm so worried it could ruin everything. So I went to bed, alone, he's sleeping on the couch, and I need a reason not to run down there and finish what we started."

"That's a lot of information to take in!"

"Cristina! Help me!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. What do you want to do?"

"I want this, but how do I know it won't ruin our friendship? I don't know if I want to risk that. What if I screw it up? What if he screws it up?"

"You're not going to screw it up. Neither is he."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Okay, I'm going to tell you something. Do you remember the last time the three of us were at Joe's?"

"Yeah, and I had to leave because Zola was sick."

"Yeah. Well, I told Alex that you were his responsibility, his person, now. I couldn't leave without knowing you were going to have someone. I told him there were five of us, and it can't just be you. I told him he has to look out for you. I needed to know that he was going to take care of you. He got quiet, and I wasn't sure what he was going to say. I really wasn't expecting what came next. He said he was so upset when he thought he ruined your chance at having a family. He went to the court and tried to get some information on your case. When that didn't work, he basically pimped out his services as a doctor to get the name of the judge. He got access and pleaded with him to give Zola to you and Derek. That's why the hearing was cancelled."

Tears streamed down her face. "I can't believe he did that!" she said.

"Yeah, that's what I said! I told him he could've gone to jail for attempting to influence a judge. He said if it got you a family, it was worth it. He's willing to go to jail if it would make you happy. That's how I knew you'd be okay. That's how I know he won't screw this up."

"How have I never heard about this?"

"He didn't want you to know."

Meredith shook her head. "Typical Alex. Take all of the blame and none of the credit."

"So, gonna go get your evil spawn freak on?"

Meredith laughed while at the same time she wiped her tears. "Yeah. Thanks, Cristina."

"Anytime."

Meredith disconnected the call. She sat, absorbing this new information. She needed to see him. She got up, crossed to the door and navigated the stairs. She rounded the corner, and could make out his silhouette on the couch.

She put her hand on his shoulder. "Alex?"

He turned to her and smiled. "Hey. You okay?"

She said nothing, just took his hands and pulled him up. She turned, and led him up the stairs.

As soon as the bedroom door closed behind them, she engulfed his mouth with her own. She moved him backwards towards the bed. A small moan escaped her as she felt his hand slide under her shirt, slowly, teasingly, sliding upwards towards her mounded flesh. Just before reaching it's intended location, he was suddenly keenly aware of whom his partner was in this tryst and he stilled his questing hand. This time it was he who broke from the kiss.

"Mer?" he said, his voice raspy with desire.

"I'm sure, Alex." She answered him breathlessly, anticipating the question. It was all the permission he needed. He locked eyes with her as he removed his shirt, then grasped the hem of her shirt. She raised her arms in acquiescence, and he removed the garment easily.

His hand resumed it's onward climb, savoring the feeling of her satiny skin, while his mouth turned to her neck, nuzzling it softly, enjoying the feeling of her supple skin against his scruff. He took her earlobe into his mouth gently, teasing the salty-sweet flesh with his tongue, making her go weak in the knees.

His hot breath on her neck sent delicious shivers shooting down her spine. She tightened her grip on his neck and moaned softly. Her hands traced the muscled planes of his back, sliding down his skin slowly, committing every groove to memory.

His hand closed over her breast, tracing slow circles over the already stiffened peak, eliciting another small moan from her. He left her earlobe and returned to her mouth, kissing her hard on the lips. He raised his head and looked into her eyes as his other hand moved south over her flat mid-section and paused when it reached the waistband of her sweat pants. He hooked his thumbs into the waistband and bent down to remove them.

He returned to her mouth and kissed her hungrily. An urgency was building in her that longed for release. The dream flashed through her mind, _"You do see me, Meredith."_

He gave her one last deep, hot kiss before he slowly slid down her body, tracing a hot, wet line with his mouth as he went until he was kneeling in front of her. With both hands, he grasped the waistband of her panties and slowly, _very_ slowly, pulled them down, kissing each inch of her skin as it was revealed. His heart pounded in his ears, a delicious mix of excitement and nervousness. He stood and moved her backwards, seated her on the edge of the bed and finished divesting her of the garment. She moved herself backwards on the bed in anticipation of him. He stood and stared at her disrobed form, breathing heavily. His eyes slowly traveled up her body, as if committing every detail to memory.

He removed his remaining clothing, and it was her turn to gaze upon him in all his glory. She slowly let her eyes rove over his male form, pausing when she reached his masculinity. A sly smile played upon her lips while she unintentionally chewed on her lower lip. She traveled back up his body and once her eyes met his again, she raised an eyebrow, still gnawing on her lower lip. This was more than enough to spur him into action. Throbbing with desire, he placed his hands on her knees and slid them upwards towards the junction between her thighs. When his hands were about an inch from their intended location, where they were close enough to feel her heat, he gently pressed against her thighs. He placed one knee, then the other, on the bed between her thighs and sat back on his heels.

She sighed deeply as she opened herself to him, yearning for the throbbing ache between her thighs to be remedied.

His hand explored her outer area slowly, thoroughly, making sure she did not want to stop, that she didn't change her mind. When it was clear to him that she wished for this to continue, he cautiously parted her folds with two fingers. He caressed the inner folds, and rubbed his thumb against her most sensitive area, sending delirious spasms through her body. He heard her noises intensify, and he knew he wouldn't be able to continue this much longer.

He advanced towards her, and had soon positioned himself in line with her, hovering over her. He raised his eyes, and saw the rapturous look in hers. He pressed himself against her and paused briefly at her opening to delay the immense gratification of being joined.

There had been enough uncertainty and hesitation for her. With a throaty growl, she lifted her hips to him, wanting him urgently.

He leaned in to her and kissed her with a great intensity that left them both winded. It was in this moment that he locked eyes with her and completed their union.

She gasped in surprise at the euphoria she felt at the fusion of their bodies. The pleasure of being joined was overwhelming, and he grunted his approval. He stilled his body momentarily to allow his brain to acclimate to the intoxicating sensation of being sheathed in her warmth.

As they began to move together, she wrapped her legs tightly around him, her ankles pressing against the back of his thighs. She tightened her grip around his shoulders, irrationally afraid if she let go he would disappear. She had always needed him, would always need him. In fact, she realized she couldn't live without him. The pleasure continued to build to a frenzied state. "Oh, Alex!" she whispered, breathlessly.

His muscles vibrated with a strong desire that intensified rapidly. He wasn't ready to have this feeling end, and he tempered his passion the best he could, making small, slow movements. He looked at her and could tell she was nearing completion. She drew rapid, ragged breaths as her face was turned up to the ceiling, eyes closed. Her movements had been getting less and now she was mostly still, so close to release.

The explosion of sensation had been building in her for quite some time and now had reached it's peak. As he once more pressed down on her, she cried out his name, perhaps a little more loudly than she had intended. Her excitement intensified his own and he quickly joined her as they floated, their hearts pounding.

As their breathing normalized, he rolled off of her and gathered her in his arms. Blissful smiles adorned their faces as they stared into each other's eyes, digesting a moment neither believed would ever happen.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

 **A/N: I got inspiration for this scene from Season 2, Episode 11, Owner of a Lonely Heart. There's a scene between Meredith and Alex where she asks him if he's okay, and the look he gives her has always made me think that was the first time anyone had ever asked him that.**

 **I hope you enjoy, and please review!;)**

 **Thanks! -Kris**

They gazed into each other's eyes, unmoving, neither wanting to sacrifice the feeling of safety and security each had found in the other.

He reached out and stroked her hair lovingly. He searched her eyes for any signs of regret, relieved to not find any. She had been the first person to care about him, to truly be concerned for his well being, and as such, he was very protective towards her. She meant more to him than he felt that he could ever adequately express in words.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, needing to know she was okay with their new found familiarity.

"I'm thinking about you."

"I hope they're good thoughts," he said, smiling.

"Oh yeah. Very good thoughts." She said, chuckling along with him, a mostly happy laugh tinged with a miniscule amount of nervousness. After a short time, she continued. "I see you, Alex." She had been thinking about the dream, and she wondered had she ever told him this? Did he know, had she ever told him, how much he means to her?

His head tilted quizzically and he shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Okay…" he said, drawing out the word.

They laid on their sides, facing each other, a blanket covering them. His hand rested on top of the blanket, and she reached out to hold it, interlacing her fingers with his.

"I was thinking about everything you've done for me, and for the kids. The things you do without me even asking you." She squeezed his hand, and spoke more softly. "The things you do thinking I won't find out. You've been my person for so long, I feel like maybe I was taking advantage of you. I'm so sorry for that, and I don't know if I've ever properly thanked you for all you do for us. I see you, Alex."

His breath caught in his throat and he paused a moment before speaking in order to compose himself. "It's nothing Mer." He said quietly, brushing it off and looking away as he had done numerous times before. He had never been comfortable receiving praise, never felt it was deserved. Receiving such high praise from the most important person in his life made him infinitely more uncomfortable.

She reached over and gently grabbed his face, turning it so he was once again looking at her. "No, Alex. It's not nothing. It's everything. And in case I've never said it before, thank you."

He flashed her a half smile, attempting to maintain tight control of his emotions. He swallowed at the lump in his throat before speaking, deciding how much of himself he wanted to give up. "There's a reason why I say it's nothing," he began quietly. "Back in intern year, we were assigned to the quints. Do you remember that?"

She thought for a moment before responding. "Yeah, I remember."

He turned his face towards the ceiling, as per his habit when revealing something of himself. "You and I were in the NICU together, and you asked if I was okay."

"And you told me you had failed your practicals."

He nodded. "Yeah. And you helped me study."

"Okay, but I don't see how…" she started to ask him, but he interrupted her.

"I was in a really bad place that day, Mer. When I found out I failed, nothing made sense anymore. Before that, I could say at least I was a doctor. So the abuse, the crazy mom, the foster homes…I don't know, I guess I felt it kind of evened the score a little. So when I heard I failed, I started to think.. maybe I deserved it. Maybe my loser dad was right, maybe I was nothing. And then the situation with Izzie just made it so much worse. That morning, I had decided that I was going to tell Webber I quit. I was going to go back to Iowa and probably wind up like my dad. I just couldn't see another way around it." He paused, giving her a chance to digest what he had said, and to give himself a moment to check his emotions. "When I was at my lowest point, you came in and saved me." He glanced at her and gave her a quick small smile. "I decided in that moment that I would always watch out for you, because honestly, you saved my life." He let the words hang in the air for a minute. "That's why I say it's nothing. Because you truly gave me everything."

The tears came easily once he had started his story, and she could not hold them back. In all of their years of friendship, she had often wondered why he not only put up with her, but also was her champion so many times. She had no idea what influence she'd had over him.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" she asked, sniffling.

He turned back to her. "I guess at first I was afraid you'd pity me. And then, it wasn't really relevant…until now." He moved towards her and caressed her face softly for a moment before leaning in to kiss her gently. "It's like I told you tonight. You're worth everything."

He moved closer and leaned in. His lips pressed against hers softly, then pulled back and stared into her aquamarine eyes, which were brighter than usual due to her recent tears. He again felt the stirrings of desire rising up within him, and he plunged his mouth onto hers. She opened to him, and he tasted the saltiness of her tears.

Her hands gripped the back of his neck desperately and she moaned against his mouth. She felt him disengage from the kiss, and a small whimper of disappointment escaped her before she felt him tracing a line with his tongue down her collarbone, then lower…

They spent the next couple of hours thoroughly exploring with hands and mouths, each eager to please the other. Afterwards they lie together, their limbs intertwined, and Alex started laughing softly.

Meredith looked up at him through tired eyes, smiling. "What's so funny?" she asked.

"I was just thinking that your sisters are going to have a lot to say in the morning."

Meredith's mouth opened in surprise. "You think they'll know?"

His laughter increased. "Oh, they know. These walls are thin…and you're a little loud!" he chuckled, leaning down to kiss her.

"Oh God." She said, embarrassed.

"It's no big deal. We will just tell them. They'll be okay with it," he said, reassuringly.

She sighed. "I sure hope so," she said, drifting off to sleep.


End file.
